Heisenberg and Schrodinger are on a road trip, when a cop pulls them over. The officer walks up and asks if they know how fast they’re going.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, "Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?" Gödel replies, "We can't know that because we're inside the joke." Chomsky says, "Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong."

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are on a road trip, when a cop pulls them over. The officer walks up and asks if they know how fast they're going. Heisenberg replies that they do not, but know with high precision where they are. The cop thinks that's weird, and begins to search the vehicle. He opens the trunk and asks, "did you know you've got a dead cat in the trunk?" Schrodinger says, "well, *now* we do."

 What's the contour integral around western Europe? Zero, all the poles are in eastern Europe